::Give Me Space So I Can Breathe, Give Me Space So I Can Sleep::

So it's been a.w.h.i.l.e and I know  I said I'd start updating more often but I've honestly been SO busy with work, school, & other random things. Let's start from the beginning [this is probably going to be really long, just to warn you..]

Work: I needed to somehow get work off so I could go up north with my family that I've been extremely homesick for lately. So, I informed them tha my grandma had had a stroke [knowing full well that my grandma was fine] and I needed to go up north with my family to visit her [this wasn't a lie, we really were going to visit my grandparents while we were up there since they live only 8 miles from Higgins Lake.] Well, then my grandma DID have a stroke. And I felt like the worst person in the world for even making that up- honestly, what kind of person does that? She ended up being fine, it was only a mild stroke, so she's just a little more disorientated that she already was [grandma's always been a little odd]. So anyway, after all that, I still needed someone to pick up my shift. Since everyone quit at my blockbuster and we're down to 4 CSR's [after having 10 or 11 when I first starting working there] no one from my store was able to take my friday shift. One of the few cool things about blockbuster is that if no one from your store can work the shift, you can call people who work at other blockbusters in the area. So I did, and finally got somewhat of a "yes" at one of the ones on Leonard St. [about 10 minutes from my store, I swear Grand Rapids has a blockbuster every 10 miles or something because there are a ton.] The guy's name was Matt and originally wasn't going to take the shift saying, "oh, you want to go out and party instead?" I explained back to him that my grandma was in the hospital and I needed someone to work a shift for me so I could up north with my family and see her. He instantly felt sorry and apologized serveral times before saying, "you know what, I'll take your shift. I'll give up my night of partying so you can go see your grandma." Wow. Needless to say, I was very grateful. I didn't know people were just nice like that anymore. [I later found out he had actually given up his own friday night shift at his store to go out, and then ended up taking mine instead.] I told him I owed him a favor, any shift, any day, and I would do it. He said I didn't have to, but he'd remember it just incase. Well I ended up having to call back for a customer check later that night, and he picked up the phone again. After getting all the customer's information switched over, he says, "I got it. You can go on a date with me." "Sure, yeah, we can go on a date. Whenever you want," I replied, mostly sarcastically thinking I'd probably never see him again anyway. And then he called back later, for my phone number. Before I gave it to him, I made sure he wasn't like, 16 or something and he laughed informing me he was 22. So I gave him my number, and he said he'd call me after I got off work to "get to know me" before our date. Whatever, he seemed funny and nice and with how bored I'd been lately I could use some more friends. He did call me, and we talked for 2 hours. We had alot of really random things in common, and I did make sure to tell him I was in a relationship before he got any ideas, but he was totally cool with it and said he had no problem being friends either. So we've been hanging out over the last week or so [he has a pool and it's been hella hot lately] so me & Jo have gone over there a few times to go swimming. He even ended up working the first two hours of my saturday shift [when I was coming back from up north] so I could go to the BBQ to celebrate my grandma's homecoming. I ended up getting back a little before 8 so I worked the rest of my shift [I was closing and we close at 1 on the weekends]. After I was done sweeping the floor and dusting off the counters, Shannon [the store manager] asks me, "has anyone showed you how to count down a drawer yet?" I shook my head, "is this gonna be on the test or something?" [While I was gone, apparently there was some sort of employee test everyone had taken.] "No, I just figured that if we ever need to promote someone it's better they know how to do some of this stuff beforehand so we don't have to teach them so much." I was still confused, "Oh ok, so then Meghan knows how already, right?" [Since everyone had quit, Meghan was the only person that had been there longer than I have.] "No. But Chris did," she answered and began explaining how to use this little machine that weighs the money so we don't have to count it. Me? Promoted? I had never even been considered or given the slightest idea of any promotion at any of my other jobs, not even stupid McDonald's and I had worked there for 2 and a half years. I've only been at Blockbuster since March. Whatever, not that I'm complaining, I like working there, so I guess I'll just keep my fingers crossed on that one.

School: The one class I'm taking right now, Child Development [PSY 301] I was originally going to take in the fall, but since it got cancelled due to low enrollment so I had to drop my current summer class [Families in Society- it was for my stupid theme- I hate GVSU's dumb extra class requirements] & pick this one up instead since I needed it as a pre-req for most of my fall classes & all of my winter ones. Well I missed 2 days being gone in Florida, but since the professor was gone too, he's been really laid back with me making up my work. I just turned in our first paper, that was due 2 weeks ago, yesterday, and I got the first exam back. The exam day was actually the first day I missed while in Florida, so I took it the week after I got back, but he ended up having to leave so led me to a quiet study area in the Atrium [this big, open area in the DeVos center that is usually really busy but wasn't because not many people take summer classes.] "I'm going to use the honor system and trust you won't use your notes, and just put it in my drop-box when you're finished. No hurry, you don't need to have them time-stamp it when you turn it in either." [Usually when professors ask you to turn something in in their drop-box, they have the desk person write down what time it was to make sure that the person didn't take an excessively long time.] Needless to say, I was very surprised, but did as he instructed and didn't use my notes. I ended up with a 95% either way and it's not like I was studying my ass off while I was in Florida like I probably would have been doing had I been home. Since I got an A- in my first summer class, that brought my cumulative up to a 3.02 [after the crummy 2.4 and 2.5 freshman year, I worked really hard last year to try to bring it up but still ended up with only a 2.999.] So I'm pretty happy with school right now. Especially now that I've found something I enjoy doing [Psychology] that I'm actually pretty good at.

Well, those are what's been keeping me busy for most of the summer, now onto other things. Brandon & I have been doing quite well lately [the few times we get to see each other anyway, his summer's been just as busy as mine.] Along with working his regular hours at Carrabba's, he also just recently started helping a friend take down bouncy-houses for some extra money. Mmmm Brandon just brought me a grilled cheese with pepper-jack cheese [my favorite] & it's quite delicious- thank you hunnie. Well, we've been doing well for the most part. Last night after seeing a sneak preview of "Accepted" [Blockbuster employees sometimes get random passes to see pre-screenings of movies] with Chad, we got an appetizer and dessert at Applebees and then I went over to Brandon's since I hadn't seen him since Sunday night after my bowling league [which I kicked ass in, btw.] I get to Brandon's, and get on the computer to do a course evaluation online for my class while he's watching the Tiger's game with his family [I hate baseball on TV]. While I'm doing this, I'm checking away messages on his buddylist, a stupid habit I have of doing when I'm bored. And I see a screename that shouldn't be there- Stephanie's. The ex he told me had quit talking to numerous times, but I would always catch him in a lie, and then he swore to me last March that she was gone for good. He didn't tell me any of the details other than I didn't have to worry about her butting into our relationship anymore. So I decided to give him the benefit of the doubt, despite the lies before [since this was just after the break and we were on a fresh start anway]. So I did, no Stephanie occurences until now. Well, being the stubborn person I am, I picked up my keys, and my purse and was ready to leave without even giving him a chance to explain because I was sick of hearing the excuses for why she was all of a sudden popping up again. The week before he told me she had sent him an e-mail [but didn't go into detail about what it said] and that he had just ignored it an deleted it. Whatever, I didn't think anything of it, I didn't think he would actually be talking to her. Brandon hears me close the door and immediatley rushes outside after me. "Where are you going?" I don't answer. "Theresa, what are you doing?" I scream at him, "I'm sick of you lying to me!" Brandon looks at me confused. So I explain that I saw her screenname while I was checking away messages. And he goes to tell me that he did IM her to tell her to leave him alone and that he was very happy with me. I'm still not convinced. "What did the e-mail say?" Brandon pauses. "She basically told me that she made a mistake, and wants to give us another chance, and knows that I'm probably happy with you but wants me to at least consider it." [Just an FYI, I HATE GIRLS LIKE THIS. The ones that like to just randomly pop back up when they realize a guy that once worshipped them is now happy with someone else and so then try to lead them back towards them saying "I miss you, I made a mistake" type shit, & then nothing ever comes out of it. They like to leave guys "in the waiting" just because they like the constant attention. Fuck off and die, whore.] I look directly at him this time [inbetween smacking my leg every 2 seconds- there's a thick blanket of humid heat outside because a storm is approaching so the mosquito level is ridiculous] "well, what did you tell her? Brandon, I love you so much, but I can't get hurt again. Because if you go back with her, I'm  the one left with no one who ends up getting hurt." Brandon takes my hand and pulls me down on the porch sofa next to him. "Honey, you have nothing to worry about, I told her to basically stay the fuck of my life, she had her chance, took it, and decided to cheat on me." After a long discussion and a million mosquito bites later, he delted her off the buddylist, facebook, and his address book. I want to believe she's gone for good this time, I really do, but I'm still skeptical. Honestly, what kind of person does this? Just butts back into an ex's life when it's obvious they have more than moved on and are completely happy with someone else saying shit like "I miss you, please reconsider"? If she were anything even close to a decent friend she would just be happy for Brandon in that he is happy with me, realize she fucked up, and just move on. But apparently not everyone is that smart. And I swear to God if she tries anything else, she'll be hearing from me, not Brandon, and I gurantee she doesn't want that. Because if she thinks she's a bitch right now, she hasn't seen anything yet. Wow, I've typed a short novel in all of this. I will try to update more frequently inbetween working 30 hours, 6 hours of class, random time with Brandon & friends, and getting around 3-4 hours of sleep each night. [Yes I definately completely passed out after the discussion with Brandon because of working 8 hours Tuesday from 2-10, swimming at Matts with Jo & Don until 2, getting pulled over, finally getting home around 3:30, finishing my paper till 5, class at 8:30-noon, work 12-6, movie at 7 with Chad..] Yes, the time I was complaining about having too much of where I was doing nothing, it now gone and I don't even have enough time to sleep anymore. Next week isn't going to be much better, today I work 5-9, tomorrow 10-5- then Clerks II with Matt, Chad, & Randy, Saturday work 6-CL, and Sunday will be spent writing my final paper for class Monday & studying for the final exam also Monday as well as packing since we move Wednesday all in the meantime while working 5-CL Monday-Wednesday. Life's a bitch, and then you die, right? Now I need to do laundry before work because I've been working so much that I haven't had time, then tanning because my membership didn't cancel like it was supposed to and I now have it for another month so I might as well use it, and then off to work I go. Ciao for now loves.

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P.S. I will update with pictures when I get to my computer & upload them!

::Just A Chance That We'll Find Better Days::

After two extremely late phone conversations [with two of my loves: Brandon & My Sexy] I'm feeling better. My sister also called me to invite me up north her, my other sister, and a bunch of their friends. So I'm doing that next Wednesday-Friday [shhh... don't tell work, it's a "family emergency"]. Yesterday was good. Beach with Jo and Don and it was gorgeous. Then Chad & I went to Peppino's for dinner. We were supposed to see Pulse, which was originally going to come out March 3rd, got pushed back to July 14th, and now it's August 11th. What the hell? I've never even heard of a movie getting pushed back and then then of course it happens to the one I want to see. Ugh. I can't seem to get something off my mind lately. Well, someone  I should say. In Florida, Val and I got our palms read, just for fun. Val went first [I was a little nervous]. So I go in there and the first thing I say is, 'don't tell me when I'm going to die because I don't want to know.' Me with my crazy fear of dying young and all. She looks at me as if I just said something really stuipd [I'm used to those looks by now] and says in this really eerie voice, 'even if I did know that, which I usually do, as a psychic I'm not allowed to disclouse that information as it may lead to serious emotional disturbance.' Ok Cleo. She asks me which hand is my dominant one and I hand her my right hand. She begins examining all the little wrinkles and creases in my hand and gets this really intent look on her face. Cute act, I tell myself. 'You had a pretty serious relationship in your past, didn't you?' She suddenly blurts out. 'Yeah, so? Ancient history.' Then she starts rambling on about how it was, 'other people keeping you apart but you really are meant for each other.' I laugh, and don't feel rude. 'I have a boyfriend right now, and I'm pretty happy with him' [note this is not even 2 hours before we got in an arguement that ended up blowing waaaay out of proportion.. but I'll save that for another time]. Cleo continues, 'your paths will cross again, see where it takes you.' Uh no, I'd rather not. But she keeps talking, 'if you stay with your current boyfriend, you'll feel like you're settling and will be missing out on who you're really supposed to be with.' Yeah, right. Sure. After telling that to Apryl, who's still dating Bryan, she laughed too. She told me he's more confined to his room with computer games [like WOW] than he was when we were dating. Ugh. Anyway, all this rambling did have a point. So after the palm reading I started having dreams about it [add those to the Spandrew dreams before and you might as well call them nightmares.. hah]. It was really starting to bother me since I don't even remember the last time I talked to Frank [I almost said saw but then Brandon did point him out when we were at the Olive Garden the week before leaving for FL]. Whatever. So I shrugged it off as my normal weird dreaming that just happened to coincide with what Cleo told me [that wasn't really her name, it just fits]. And then it gets weirder. While I was cleaning out my car the other day [and constantly getting tangled in Chad's vaccuum cord because I'm just that cool] the vaccuum kept making weird whirring noises everytime it tried to pick up a coin. So I started picking up the coins on the floor and was making a little pile on the hood of my car. 'Oh, are you going to throw these away? I can use them for poker change.' Chad knows I throw pennies and alot of nickels away since I really don't use them. 'Yeah, sure, whatever, I don't care.' I handed him the stupid coins and noticed something that wasn't a coin. A ring. A promise ring. The promise ring Frank got me Christmas of 2003. What was it doing on the floor of my car? And even more, why am I finding it now? It's just too weird. It's all too weird. I don't get it, I don't even like Frank anymore. I don't talk to him, I have no association with him, and he's tangled up with Brandy Roberts anyway [so yeah, definately staying out of that one]. When I said I missed senior year and high school, I didn't mean I missed him, I only meant I missed that period of time while I was dating him. Because I had so much fun with my friends, not with him. I just want it to stop. I don't know if I like digging up all these old memories in my dreams, it's kind of depressing.... "Will Ferrel: Talladega Nights" wow that looks funny. Yep there's my ADD kicking in as I aimlessly watch commercials. "Little Man" yeah that looks dumb. I think working at Blockbuster has made me way too critical of movies. But anyway, I think I'm gonna end this for tonite, it's long, probably boring, and it didn't really help me accomplish much. Besides, Brandon just turned on PeeWee Herman on adult swim and it's effing hilarios. Ciao for now loves.

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::Every New Beginning Comes From Some Other Beginnings End::

Yeah I need to vent and realized I deleted all my websites that I used to write on. Except xanga. But I don't like my new one anymore, so it's getting deleted too. I feel homesick. I haven't felt homesick in a l.o.n.g. time. Seriously, it's been at least a year and a half since I felt like this. It's not even so much that I miss home, but more like the life I had before I came to college. I went home at the beginning of July to watch the fireworks with my family and spend time with friends and at Chris's garage sale we were talking while waiting for my dad to pick up the entertainment center [and a million other things he just had to buy- my Dad loves garage sales & then Mom ends up throwing out at least half of his treasures when he brings them home saying it's "tacky"]. Whatever, I love my parents anyway. So, Chris and I were just talking, catching up really and we both realized that working at McDonald's [not actually working at McDonald's- don't get me wrong, that was hell] but the time period while we were working at McDonald's [I mean all of us- Emi, JR, Angy, Chris, me Guido.. etc.] I can't think of a time since then that life has been fun or exciting. Two days ago I got back from Florida. I had never been to Florida. I assumed it would be an amazing trip. Wrong. It was the worst "vacation" [if I can even call it that] that I'd ever been on in my life. You can ask my why for the whole story if anyone actually reads this, but I don't feel like going into it all. As much as I loved being with Brandon, I kept wishing I was with my own family instead of his on vacation. I don't remember the last time I went on a family vacation. Probably when I was still in high school. And it's not that we don't go on family vacations anymore- I just don't go. Why? Because somewhere along the road I decided I wanted to grow up really fast and move to Grand Rapids when I was only 19. I'm not supposed to be living on my own yet, it feels wrong. I'm only 20, I don't know why I started acting like I was 24- moving out, racking up credit card debt, buying groceries, taking summer classes so I could "get ahead." You're supposed to go home over the summer. You catch up with your friends, spend time with your family, work your ass off and save money for the upcoming school year.. but for me it never ends. I'm rarely home, I'm always in class.. I miss those days with carefree summers and the freedom to do whatever I wanted without worrying about school or work [because like I said, I worked at McDonald's]. I don't even have a network of friends here like I did when I lived back home. Is that what happens when you get older? You lose friends and work all the time? Ugh, I don't want that. Now that Sarah's engaged to Mr. Wonderful that she's been dating for 5 months I don't have a roommate anymore. It's a Sarah-and-Russ package deal. And it's not like I don't like Russ or anything, there's nothing wrong with him other than the fact him and Sarah are permanently attached to each other. And Jo, my other roommate, works even more than I do and when she's not working, she's over at Don's so I don't see her either. But even if they are here, it's not like we do anything. I live 20 minutes from the beach and between this summer so far and all of last summer, I've been there once. Once. I went to the beach more often when I lived in Grass Lake and it was at least a 45 minute drive to one. Beach, BBQs, bonfires, camping.. that's the kinda stuff you do over the summer. Not taking classes and spending all your spare time surfing around on the internet. I used to go out and do things.. like that week up north at the cabin where it rained so bad and all we did was play cards, the camping trip from hell where everyone got sick except me, bowling parties with Cayt, Up north with Megs & Chels to visit her Dad, making that awful video for creative fiction, me & Chris drawing stupid pictures and playing MASH in "the notebook"... and now I don't do anything. I have like, 3 friends that I spend time with. And that time ends up being one of the following things: shopping, out to eat, out to the movies, or let's-all-get-drunk-and-pass-out. BORING. I don't understand how people can ramble on about college being the "best years of your lives" when here I sit reminiscing about how much I miss high school. At least junior and senior year anyway [after I grew into my "man shoulders" - thanks Brandon]. Look at the freshman year group shot of like, all 8 of us for winter carnival if you don't know what I'm talking about- you'll see it. I guess it's not even really that I miss high school, I hated high school- I just miss the time period. With my friends. And the dumb things we did together. Gosh it seems so long ago... And I guess there's not really much, or anything for that matter, that I can do about it. It hasn't even felt like summer being up here- it only feels normal when I go home. I had so much fun that last week there before leaving for Florida. Me & JR eating at Olive Garden, like always. Playing drunk Yahtzee with Apryl. Hanging out with Chris & E for the little bit that I was at the garage sale. Even Michael's grad party because I was playing with Gerard the whole time. The other day he asked mom what he was going to do when "the girls really move out" [talking about me & Marissa being at college] and now I look at it and I pretty much am moved out. He was so happy to see me when I came home, it was so damn cute. I don't know where I'm going with this, I don't even know why I'm writing it other than the fact I just needed to get everything out. I mean, there's really nothing I can do about it now. I'm stuck in class till August 7th and even if I were to drop the class, I've already paid for my housing so it's stupid to move out. I just wish I could. Yes I'd miss Brandon, but he's pretty much the only thing good in Grand Rapids right now [and Chad too- he's not too busy to hang out and do stupid things with me.] The next time I'm going home is fair week, and I'm hoping it's fabulous because it's pretty much the only thing I have to look forward to for the rest of the summer. Ooo, weatherbug alert: thunderstorm warning for greater Grand Rapids area. Wish I had someone to watch it with...

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Oh, how fitting.

2 years ago
01. how old were you - 18
02. where did you go to school – I didn't. Summer inbetween CHS & GVSU.
03. where did you work – McDonald's.
04. where did you live – Home, Frank & Guido's, Christina's.
05. where did you hang out – See above.
06. how was your hairstyle – Long & blonde [ew].
07. did you wear braces - Nope.
08. did you wear glasses - Nope.
09. who was your best friend – Christina.
10. who was your crush – Frank was my boyfriend.
11. how many tattoos and piercings did you have – 8: 4 in left ear, 3 in right, bellybutton.
12. what car did you drive – Mom's van or Frank's lumina.
13. have you smoked a cigarette yet - Yes.. gross.
14. had you gotten drunk - Yes.
15. had you driven yet - Yes, not very much though. Frank drove me everywhere.
16. had you had your heart broken - Nope.

let's see where you are now
01. how old are you - 20.
02. where do you go to school - GVSU.
03. where do you work – Blockbuster.
04. where do you live – Townhouse in Grand Rapids,
05. where do you hang out – Brandon's, Chad's, home.
06. how is your hairstyle – Long, brown-red, bangs, choppy layers.
07. do you wear braces - Nope.
08. do you wear glasses - Nope.
09. who is your best friend – Christina, Chad, Apryl, & JR.
10. who is your crush – My amazing boyfriend Brandon.
11. how many tattoos/piercings do you have – 10: now 4 in each ear, bellybutton, and my nose.
12. what car do you drive – 99 Escort [sexcort] station wagon.
13. do you smoke - GROSS. And I'm terrified of terminal illness [cancer].
14. have you gotten drunk - Yes.
15. do you drive - Not well, haha.
16. have you had your heart broken - Yes.